Buy enough Pabst Blue Ribbon to cover Mars' biggest moon knee-deep

For the price of the Iraq war, we could've bought enough Pabst Blue Ribbon to cover Phobos, Mars' biggest moon, knee-deep in a sea of beer.  

Phobos is the largest moon of the planet Mars.  It has a surface area of 6100 square kilometers.  If we estimate the height of a knee at 50 cm -- roughly the height to the top of my knee -- it would take 3.05 billion cubic meters of beer to cover Phobos knee-deep on average (craters would be deeper, while elevated portions of the moon might stick out as islands).  This would require 50.4 billion kegs of beer.  Pabst Blue Ribbon can be bought for $51 per keg.  At this price, we could cover Phobos knee-deep in beer for $2.57 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons License from lodri.

Put a tank staffed by Petraeus duplicates on every square mile of Afghanistan

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've hunted down Osama Bin Laden by placing a fully equipped M1 Abrams battle tank on every square mile of Afghanistan and staffing them entirely with duplicates of General Petraeus.

The heavily armored 67-ton M1 Abrams battle tank, which carries four crew members, is the principal combat tank of the American armed forces. A fully equipped M1 Abrams costs $4.30 million. General David Petraeus, who oversaw all US forces in Iraq, earns $180,000 per year. The area of Afghanistan is 251,772 square miles Putting an M1 Abrams on each square mile of Afghanistan and staffing them entirely with Petraeus duplicates drawing a salary equal to his would cost $1.26 trillion, which is less than half of Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy everything on the UK stock market

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought out the entire United Kingdom stock market at a 10% premium.  

The S&P Global Indices provide the best estimate of the total value of all the publicly traded companies in a nation.  The 'Total Market Capitalization' of companies includes not only the value of all the shares of stock, but also any interest in the companies that may be controlled off the stock exchange by the government or other stakeholders.  Currently the total market cap of the UK stock market is $2.72 trillion.  Paying a 10% premium to completely buy out the UK stock market and own all of every publicly traded company in the UK would cost $2.99 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Give everyone in North America earmarks like Wasilla received under Mayor Palin

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've given everyone in North America the same per capita amount in federal earmarks that Wasilla, Sarah Palin's hometown, received between 2000 and 2003.

Earmarked funds have been widely criticized as a way to get excess spending past the controls in the appropriations process. Between 2000 and 2003, a period mostly including the last two years of Palin's reign as mayor, the city of Wasilla received $26.9 million in federal earmarks, including $15 million for a rail project connecting Wasilla to Senator Ted Stevens' hometown of Girdwood. (The above image includes Palin's boasts about previous federal funding for Wasilla in her own handwriting.) In 2000, the population of Wasilla was 5469, so the city received $4919 per capita in earmarks. Earmarking this amount of federal funds for each of the 524 million people in North America would cost $2.58 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image from Mike Lillis of the Washington Independent.

Pay for Katrina and the next 30 hurricanes like it

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've paid off all the damage from Hurricane Katrina and the next thirty equally devastating hurricanes.  

Hurricane Katrina, the costliest hurricane in American history, did $89.2 billion worth of damage in 2008 dollars.  Paying off all the damage for Katrina, as well as thirty future hurricanes of the same size, would've cost $2.77 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy a platinum vibrator studded with diamonds for each woman in Europe and the Americas

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought a platinum vibrator studded with diamonds for each woman in Europe and the Americas.  

731 million people live in Europe, 524 million live in North America, and 382 million people live in South America.  Assuming that half of these people are women, there are 819 million women on these three continents combined.  

JimmyJane sells the Little Platinum Eternity vibrator, plated in platinum and encircled by 28 conflict-free VS1 diamonds, for $3,250.  Buying 819 million of these vibrators would cost $2.66 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy a stealth bomber for each panda

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought each of the world's pandas their own stealth bomber.

Using the highest estimates, there are 3000 giant pandas in the wild, and 266 in captivity. The unit cost of the stealth bomber (at the prices that the US government was initially quoted when a larger order of bombers was planned) is $737 million each. Equipping every giant panda with their own stealth bomber would cost $2.4 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy a bottle of Jameson's Irish whiskey for every person ever

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought a bottle of Jameson's Irish whiskey for every human who ever lived.  

The Population Reference Bureau estimates the total number of people who have ever lived at 106 billion.  (Updated versions of Keyfitz' calculation gave an estimate of 96 billion in 2000.)  A fifth of Jameson's Irish Whiskey costs $23.  At this price we could supply each of the humans who ever lived with a bottle of whiskey for $2.44 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image adapted under a Creative Commons License from petar_c.

Buy a Bridge to Nowhere for each house or condo in Alaskan Zip Code 99901

For the price of the Iraq War, we could attach a new 'Bridge to Nowhere' to each house and condo in Alaska's zip code 99901.  

The 99901 zip code contains 6,164 houses and condos.  It was supposed to include the infamous Bridge to Nowhere, a $398 million bridge designed to connect Ketchikan, Alaska, with a small island inhabited by only 50 people.  Governor Sarah Palin, pictured above, ended her support of the bridge after it became clear that $169 million in federal funding would not be forthcoming. Fully funding the addition of a new 'Bridge to Nowhere' to each house and condo in 99901 would cost $2.45 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Photograph from Andrew Halcro.  

Buy Ohio State - Michigan tickets until the sun becomes a red giant

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought a Ohio State - Michigan football ticket every year until the Sun becomes a red giant and engulfs the Earth.  

The Sun is currently in its main sequence.  In 5 billion years, it will burn all the hydrogen in its core and helium fusion will make it a red giant.  It will grow to 200 times its current size and engulf the earth.  

At this writing, tickets to the Ohio State - Michigan football game, perhaps the biggest college football rivalry game in America, start at $400 each.  For this price, buying tickets for the OSU-Michigan game until the sun becomes a red giant would cost $2 trillion dollars, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Build a wall of condoms along the Alaska-Canada border high enough to reach the ozone layer

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've helped sexually active Alaska teens by building a wall of condoms along the Alaska-Canada border high enough to reach the the ozone layer.  

The Alaska-Canada border is 2477 km.  Using the online ruler shows that a LifeStyles lubricated condom is 5.5 cm long.  This means that it would take 45 million condoms to stretch along the entire border.  

While ozone is somewhat diffuse in the earth's atmosphere, the ozone layer is formed by greater concentrations of ozone in the stratosphere from 20 and 40 km above the earth's surface.  It would thus take about 363,636 condoms to reach the ozone layer. Building a wall this high along the Alaska-Canada border would require 16.4 trillion condoms.  Purchased in cases of 1000 from ripnroll at $159, this many condoms would cost $2.6 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image from Gawker.  

Buy each coalition soldier their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry Pearls

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought each soldier involved in the initial invading coalition their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry pearl 8100s.

The initial invading force consisted of 297000 soldiers -- 250000 from America, 45000 from the UK, 2500 from Australia, and 194 from Poland.  Assuming that each soldier weighs 180 lbs, the total weight of the soldiers was 53.5 million pounds.  

There are about 14.6 troy ounces in a pound.  Platinum currently costs $1417 per ounce, or $20700 per pound.  Gold currently costs $823 per troy ounce, or $12000 per pound.  The BlackBerry Pearl 8100 costs $300 and weighs 3.16 ounces, for a price of $1500 per pound. At these prices, we could've bought each soldier their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry Pearl 8100s for $1.83 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.