Buy a stealth bomber for each panda

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought each of the world's pandas their own stealth bomber.

Using the highest estimates, there are 3000 giant pandas in the wild, and 266 in captivity. The unit cost of the stealth bomber (at the prices that the US government was initially quoted when a larger order of bombers was planned) is $737 million each. Equipping every giant panda with their own stealth bomber would cost $2.4 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy a bottle of Jameson's Irish whiskey for every person ever

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought a bottle of Jameson's Irish whiskey for every human who ever lived.  

The Population Reference Bureau estimates the total number of people who have ever lived at 106 billion.  (Updated versions of Keyfitz' calculation gave an estimate of 96 billion in 2000.)  A fifth of Jameson's Irish Whiskey costs $23.  At this price we could supply each of the humans who ever lived with a bottle of whiskey for $2.44 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image adapted under a Creative Commons License from petar_c.

Buy a Bridge to Nowhere for each house or condo in Alaskan Zip Code 99901

For the price of the Iraq War, we could attach a new 'Bridge to Nowhere' to each house and condo in Alaska's zip code 99901.  

The 99901 zip code contains 6,164 houses and condos.  It was supposed to include the infamous Bridge to Nowhere, a $398 million bridge designed to connect Ketchikan, Alaska, with a small island inhabited by only 50 people.  Governor Sarah Palin, pictured above, ended her support of the bridge after it became clear that $169 million in federal funding would not be forthcoming. Fully funding the addition of a new 'Bridge to Nowhere' to each house and condo in 99901 would cost $2.45 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Photograph from Andrew Halcro.  

Buy Ohio State - Michigan tickets until the sun becomes a red giant

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought a Ohio State - Michigan football ticket every year until the Sun becomes a red giant and engulfs the Earth.  

The Sun is currently in its main sequence.  In 5 billion years, it will burn all the hydrogen in its core and helium fusion will make it a red giant.  It will grow to 200 times its current size and engulf the earth.  

At this writing, tickets to the Ohio State - Michigan football game, perhaps the biggest college football rivalry game in America, start at $400 each.  For this price, buying tickets for the OSU-Michigan game until the sun becomes a red giant would cost $2 trillion dollars, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Build a wall of condoms along the Alaska-Canada border high enough to reach the ozone layer

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've helped sexually active Alaska teens by building a wall of condoms along the Alaska-Canada border high enough to reach the the ozone layer.  

The Alaska-Canada border is 2477 km.  Using the online ruler shows that a LifeStyles lubricated condom is 5.5 cm long.  This means that it would take 45 million condoms to stretch along the entire border.  

While ozone is somewhat diffuse in the earth's atmosphere, the ozone layer is formed by greater concentrations of ozone in the stratosphere from 20 and 40 km above the earth's surface.  It would thus take about 363,636 condoms to reach the ozone layer. Building a wall this high along the Alaska-Canada border would require 16.4 trillion condoms.  Purchased in cases of 1000 from ripnroll at $159, this many condoms would cost $2.6 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image from Gawker.  

Buy each coalition soldier their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry Pearls

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought each soldier involved in the initial invading coalition their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry pearl 8100s.

The initial invading force consisted of 297000 soldiers -- 250000 from America, 45000 from the UK, 2500 from Australia, and 194 from Poland.  Assuming that each soldier weighs 180 lbs, the total weight of the soldiers was 53.5 million pounds.  

There are about 14.6 troy ounces in a pound.  Platinum currently costs $1417 per ounce, or $20700 per pound.  Gold currently costs $823 per troy ounce, or $12000 per pound.  The BlackBerry Pearl 8100 costs $300 and weighs 3.16 ounces, for a price of $1500 per pound. At these prices, we could've bought each soldier their weight in platinum, gold, and BlackBerry Pearl 8100s for $1.83 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Give everyone in sub-Saharan Africa condoms

For the price of the Iraq War, we could give everyone in sub-Saharan Africa enough condoms to have sex every night of their adult lives.  

Sub-Saharan Africa has 770 million residents.  The population is expected to nearly double by 2050, and 6.1% of adults are infected with HIV.  Assuming that the disease-preventing benefits of condoms would raise life expectancy in the region to the global average of 66 years, the residents would be having 13.5 trillion nights of sex.  

At ripnroll, a case of a thousand Lifestyles Large condoms costs $159.  At this price, equipping the population of sub-Saharan Africa for a lifetime of sex every night would cost $2.15 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War. 

Image used under a Creative Commons License from amalthya.

Buy enough Apache helicopters to fly all Alaskan women to Canada if Roe is overturned

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy enough Apache military helicopters to fly all Alaskan women to Canada, so they'd still have the right to an abortion even if John McCain and Sarah Palin succeeded in overturning Roe v. Wade.  

Both John McCain and Sarah Palin oppose Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that protects the right to have an abortion nationwide.  Roe would most likely be overturned if McCain or Palin chose the replacement for a pro-choice Justice like the 88-year-old John Paul Stevens.  Then Alaska would severely restrict abortion rights for its 302,820 women.  

Armed with a 30mm chain gun and Hydra and Hellfire rockets, the AH-64 Apache helicopter is the primary attack helicopter of the U.S. Army.  It costs $18 million and seats two crew members.  With two women in each helicopter, buying enough Apache helicopters to fly the female population of Alaska to pro-choice Canada would cost $2.73 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Buy every impoverished American child a lifetime of nice dinners

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy every impoverished American child a lifetime of dinners at Trudy's, a Tex-Mex restaurant in Austin, Texas.  

According to recent census data, there are 13.3 million American children in poverty.  If we assume that these children will each live an average of 70 more years, they will jointly consume a total of 340 billion dinners over the rest of their lives.  

The enchilada plate at Trudy's, which I would often order with chipotle sauce over mushrooms and pinto beans, costs $7.95.  At this price, we could buy every American child a lifetime of dinners for $2.70 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Photo credit: Patrick Meredith, Austin-American Statesman

Buy every US adult who wants to attack Iran their weight in marijuana

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought every American adult who wants to attack Iran their weight in marijuana.

According to a November 2007 Gallup poll, 18% of Americans favored military action against Iran, while 73% favored relying on economic and diplomatic efforts. There are 225 million American adults, so this means that 40 million Americans favor military action. The average American adult weighs slightly under 180 lbs, so 7.2 billion pounds of Americans support military action against Iran.

In 2005, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health estimated retail marijuana prices at $2783 per pound.  Buying all American adults who want to attack Iran their weight in marijuana would cost $2.00 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons License from dey.

Cure all malaria for 2000 years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could cure all cases of malaria for the next two thousand years. 

Each year, there are 515 million cases of malaria, causing 1 to 3 million deaths and contributing to poverty in many developing countries.  If the rate of malaria infection were to stay constant even as we treat every case for the next 2000 years, we would have to treat 1.03 trillion cases of the disease.

Artemisinin therapies, which are used to treat the disease now that the malaria parasite is resistant to chloroquine and some mosquitos are resistant to DDT, cost $2.20 for a course of treatment. Treating 2000 years of malaria would cost $2.27 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War. 

Image used under a Creative Commons License from otisarchives2.

Give every woman in Afghanistan as many servants as John McCain

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've given every woman in Afghanistan as many American servants as John McCain.

In 2007, John McCain spent $273,000 on household employees (for example, the caretaker of one of his homes in Sedona). 8.4 million women over 15 live in Afghanistan. Giving each of these women their own McCain-sized retinue of household employees would cost $2.3 trillion, which is less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the cost of the Iraq War.