Buy Uranus at the per acre price of Alaska

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy the planet Uranus at the per acre price we paid for Alaska in 1867, adjusted for inflation.  

Uranus, the seventh planet in the Solar System, has a surface area of 8.084 billion square kilometers, about 16 times that of Earth.  The total purchase price of Alaska in 2008 dollars is $360 million.  At 1.72 million square kilometers, this comes to $209 per square kilometer. Buying Uranus at these prices would cost $1.69 trillion, which is $1.31 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War. 

Feed Sheriff Joe Arpaio moldy bologna for the next billion years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could feed Sheriff Joe Arpaio moldy bologna for the next billion years.  

As Jill at Feministe describes, Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, AZ has engaged in a variety of unusual practices, from having a civilian 'posse' hunt down illegal immigrants to feeding prisoners moldy bologna.  He has lost several lawsuits for wrongfully killing or injuring inmates.

At 90 calories a slice, Joe would need to eat 2.78 8-slice packages of Oscar Mayer bologna a day to make up a 2000-calorie diet. Regular bologna sells for $2.69 at the Casa Grande, AZ Safeway. At that price, keeping Sheriff Joe alive on nothing but bologna for a billion years would cost $2.73 trillion, which is $270 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Thanks to reader Stentor Danielson for sending in this suggestion with calculations.

Buy Hillary a Toyota Camry for every second of the average Secretary of State's term

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy Hillary Clinton a Toyota Camry for every second of the average US Secretary of State's term.

Rumors are circulating that Hillary Clinton will serve as Secretary of State for Barack Obama, a position that has far less job security than her current position as a Senator from reliably Democratic New York.  There have been 67 Secretaries of State in our nation's history, with each one serving an average of 3.22 years or about 102 million seconds.  The base price for a new Toyota Camry is $19,145.  At these prices, giving Hillary a Camry for every second of the average Secretary of State's term would cost $1.95 trillion, or $1.05 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Buy enough Neiman Marcus pajamas for all women in the years A.D. to blog in

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought enough Neiman Marcus pajamas for all women born since 1 AD to wear while blogging.

TV host Rachel Maddow has cited Sarah Palin's contribution to spreading the meme that blogging is often done in pajamas.  Extrapolating from Population Research Bureau data suggests that 30 billion women were born since 1 AD.  A set of leopard-print cotton pajamas costs $100 at Neiman Marcus, the store from which Sarah Palin's family acquired $150,000 of clothes during her run for the vice-presidency.  At this price, we could've bought leopard-print cotton pajamas for all women since 1 AD for $3 trillion, which is Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate for the total cost of the Iraq War. 

Give Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of manure

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've given Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of manure.  

After fervently supporting the Iraq War and losing the Connecticut Democratic primary, Joe Lieberman supported John McCain in 2008.  The Democratic Party is still deciding whether to let him stay on as chairman of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs, which has the power to investigate the future President Obama.  A 40 pound bag of manure costs $2.69 at Ace.  At this price, we could've given Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of shit for $2.69 trillion, which is $310 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Make enough $30 DNC donations to give everyone two weeks of Obama-Biden victory shirts

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've made enough $30 donations to the DNC for everyone on earth to get 14 Obama-Biden victory shirts -- enough to wear a new one every day for two weeks.  

After taking on debt to implement Howard Dean's 50-state strategy and assist Democratic candidates in the 2008 elections, the DNC is raising funds by giving out Obama-Biden T-shirts to anyone who donates $30 or more.  Giving 14 of these shirts to each of the 6.7 billion humans would cost $2.81 trillion, which is $190 billion less than  Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Pay every Mexican the minimum wage to stay home for ten years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've humanely dealt with illegal immigration by paying every Mexican their country's minimum wage to stay in Mexico for ten years.  

The minimum wage in Mexico is 52.59 pesos per day, or $4.11 per day at current exchange rates.  Paying this wage every day of the year for 10 years to the 108 million Mexicans would cost $1.62 trillion, $1.38 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from nathangibbs.

Give every Alaskan ten times the gifts that Ted Stevens lied about receiving

For the price of the Iraq War, we could give each Alaskan ten times the gifts that Senator Ted Stevens, lied about receiving.  

On October 27, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was found guilty of seven counts of making false statements about $250,000 in gifts that he had received.  While polls currently show him leading his Democratic opponent Mark Begich by 1%, Nate Silver notes that many absentee and early ballots have yet to be counted.  There are 683,478 people in Alaska.  Giving each of them ten times as much as Stevens received would cost $1.71 trillion, $1.29 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Buy the world's cinnamon harvest for ten thousand years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought the world's cinnamon harvest for the next ten thousand years.

135,000 metric tons of cinnamon were harvested in 2005.  At 2001 prices, this much cinnamon was valued at $235 million.  Adjusting for inflation into 2008 dollars, buying this much cinnamon for ten thousand years would cost $2.90 trillion, or $100 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from Kiri :D.

Pay every unemployed American a Congressperson's salary

For the price of the Iraq War, we could pay every unemployed American a Congressperson's annual salary.

According to the Department of Labor, 10.1 million Americans were unemployed in October, the highest figure since 1983.  A Congressperson's salary for 2008 is $169,300.  Paying each unemployed American a Congressional salary would cost $1.71 trillion, or $1.29 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Protect Alaskan wolves and moose from aerial hunting with 30 surface-to-air missiles each

For the price of the Iraq War, we could protect each moose and wolf in Alaska from returning Governor Sarah Palin and other hunters with 30 surface-to-air missile launchers.  

The RIM-116 Rolling Airframe Missile launcher is planned or installed on 100 Navy ships, and costs $444,000.  Each launcher contains up to 21 infrared-guided missiles for shooting down aircraft.   Alaska has up to 11,200 wolves and about 150,000 moose.  In recent years, aerial hunting of wolves has become more popular, and Governor Palin supports the practice. Protecting each animal with its own 30 surface-to-air missiles would cost $2.15 trillion, or $850 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Give the Georgians who forced Sen. Chambliss into a runoff 300-meter cubes of corn whiskey

Georgia law requires 50% of the total plus one vote for a candidate to win the election outright without a runoff election. According to current totals, Republican incumbent Saxby Chambliss has 1,841,454 votes, giving him 49.83% of the total. If 6251 more people had voted for Saxby Chambliss instead of Democrat Jim Martin or Libertarian Dean Buckley, Chambliss would have won. 

Georgia Moon Corn Whiskey costs $12.95 per 750 ml bottle. It would take 36 million bottles to make a 300-meter cube of whiskey. Buying each of the 6251 Georgians who forced Chambliss into a runoff by voting for Martin or Buckley such a cube of whiskey would cost $2.91 trillion, or $90 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from ElCapitan.