Subscribe to the LA Times since the beginning of time

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've subscribed to the LA Times since the beginning of time.

The universe is approximately 13.73 billion years old. According to the reigning theories of cosmology, time began with the beginning of the universe. In some zip codes, the LA Times is available for $2.99 per week. Subscribing to the LA Times since the beginning of time would cost $2.13 trillion, which is $870 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Pay Ethiopia's health care bills for a thousand years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could pay Ethiopia's health care bills for a thousand years.

Ethiopia has a population of about 78 million. Per capita health care expenditures in Ethiopia are $21, about 1/300 of American health care expenditures. At this price, paying health care bills for Ethiopia for the next thousand years would cost $1.64 trillion, which is $1.36 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from LindsayStark.

Fund the Lizard People's Senate campaigns for the next ten thousand years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could fund the Lizard People's Senate campaigns for the next thousand years.

The Minnesota Senate race was the most expensive race of this year, with the candidates together spending $32.3 million. On one of the challenged ballots that has come to light in the recount, a voter had written in 'Lizard People' for several offices including the Senate. Assuming that half the total Minnesota expenditures are sufficient to make a candidate competitive, we would need to spend $16.15 million every six years to fund one of the Lizard People's campaigns for each seat. At that rate, we could fund the Lizard People's campaigns for each seat for ten thousand years at a cost of $2.69 trillion, which is $310 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Thanks to Stentor Danielson for sending in this suggestion, and Blar for a correction.

Turn the Sahara Desert into a forest

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've turned the Sahara Desert into a forest.

The world's largest hot desert, the Sahara, is around 9 million square kilometers. In an attempt to block the expansion of the Gobi Desert, China is planting 9 million acres or 36,400 square kilometers of forest. This initiative will cost around $8 billion. At this price, the entire Sahara desert could be turned into a forest for $1.98 trillion, which is which is $1.02 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Thanks to Hope Rider for research assistance. Image used under a Creative Commons license from alex lichtenberger.

Buy enough MP3s for a 50 trillion mile road trip

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy enough MP3s to go on a 50 trillion mile road trip without listening to the same song twice.

At 70 miles per hour, one can go 50 trillion miles in 81.5 million years. Assuming an average song length of 4 minutes, that much travel requires 10.7 trillion songs. The emusic Connoisseur plans allow one to buy 100 DRM-free songs for $25. At this price, enough music for a 50 trillion mile road trip would cost $2.68 trillion, or $320 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Comic from XKCD, used with permission.

Buy the global kiwi harvest until 5000 AD

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy the global kiwi harvest until the year 5000 AD.

Global kiwi production in 2005 totaled 1.15 million metric tons, which is worth $775 million adjusted for inflation. At this price, buying up the global kiwi harvest until 5000 AD would cost $2.32 trillion, which is $680 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from Darren Hester.

Pay full tuition at Stanford for every American child in poverty

For the price of the Iraq War, we could pay full tuition at Stanford for every US child in poverty.

13.2 million American children come from families with incomes below the poverty line, which is $21,200 for a family of four. Tuition at Stanford is $36,030, or $144,120 for four years. Paying full tuition at Stanford for every child in poverty would cost $1.90 trillion, which is $1.10 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Image used under a Creative Commons license from darkmatter.

Buy Uranus at the per acre price of Alaska

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy the planet Uranus at the per acre price we paid for Alaska in 1867, adjusted for inflation.  

Uranus, the seventh planet in the Solar System, has a surface area of 8.084 billion square kilometers, about 16 times that of Earth.  The total purchase price of Alaska in 2008 dollars is $360 million.  At 1.72 million square kilometers, this comes to $209 per square kilometer. Buying Uranus at these prices would cost $1.69 trillion, which is $1.31 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War. 

Feed Sheriff Joe Arpaio moldy bologna for the next billion years

For the price of the Iraq War, we could feed Sheriff Joe Arpaio moldy bologna for the next billion years.  

As Jill at Feministe describes, Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, AZ has engaged in a variety of unusual practices, from having a civilian 'posse' hunt down illegal immigrants to feeding prisoners moldy bologna.  He has lost several lawsuits for wrongfully killing or injuring inmates.

At 90 calories a slice, Joe would need to eat 2.78 8-slice packages of Oscar Mayer bologna a day to make up a 2000-calorie diet. Regular bologna sells for $2.69 at the Casa Grande, AZ Safeway. At that price, keeping Sheriff Joe alive on nothing but bologna for a billion years would cost $2.73 trillion, which is $270 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Thanks to reader Stentor Danielson for sending in this suggestion with calculations.

Buy Hillary a Toyota Camry for every second of the average Secretary of State's term

For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy Hillary Clinton a Toyota Camry for every second of the average US Secretary of State's term.

Rumors are circulating that Hillary Clinton will serve as Secretary of State for Barack Obama, a position that has far less job security than her current position as a Senator from reliably Democratic New York.  There have been 67 Secretaries of State in our nation's history, with each one serving an average of 3.22 years or about 102 million seconds.  The base price for a new Toyota Camry is $19,145.  At these prices, giving Hillary a Camry for every second of the average Secretary of State's term would cost $1.95 trillion, or $1.05 trillion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate for the total cost of the Iraq War.

Buy enough Neiman Marcus pajamas for all women in the years A.D. to blog in

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've bought enough Neiman Marcus pajamas for all women born since 1 AD to wear while blogging.

TV host Rachel Maddow has cited Sarah Palin's contribution to spreading the meme that blogging is often done in pajamas.  Extrapolating from Population Research Bureau data suggests that 30 billion women were born since 1 AD.  A set of leopard-print cotton pajamas costs $100 at Neiman Marcus, the store from which Sarah Palin's family acquired $150,000 of clothes during her run for the vice-presidency.  At this price, we could've bought leopard-print cotton pajamas for all women since 1 AD for $3 trillion, which is Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate for the total cost of the Iraq War. 

Give Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of manure

For the price of the Iraq War, we could've given Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of manure.  

After fervently supporting the Iraq War and losing the Connecticut Democratic primary, Joe Lieberman supported John McCain in 2008.  The Democratic Party is still deciding whether to let him stay on as chairman of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs, which has the power to investigate the future President Obama.  A 40 pound bag of manure costs $2.69 at Ace.  At this price, we could've given Joe Lieberman 20 billion tons of shit for $2.69 trillion, which is $310 billion less than Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes' estimate of $3 trillion for the total cost of the Iraq War.